Vietnam War Interview Forum

Guest

>If you have read Saughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut and/or The Things They Carried by Tim O'Brien then that would be a big help, but if you haven't I am still interested in your answers.


I read "The Things They Carried"

>1. When, Why, and how did you enlist in the service and what branch of the military did you serve in?

I volunteered for the draft in June of '68 to get my military obligation over with.  I didn't want to wait around until my notice came in the mail.  I ended up in the Army.

>2. When serving did you find yourself suffering from the "resistance to kill"? If so please describe what that was like.

I wasn't sure how I'd react while going through basic and infantry AIT.  After the first few bullets cracked passed my ear I decided whoe ever was shooting would just as soon kill me if he could.  I didn't think it was anything but defending myself.

>3. If you suffered from the "resistance to kill" did you recover from that? How?

Real life and death are different up close and I wasn't ready to die if I could help it.

>4. If you did not suffer from the "resistance to kill" why do you think that was so?

N/A

>5. How did it feel knowing that you could come home after finishing your service?

It was the universal goal for everyone I knew.  It was what we day dreamed and talked about more than anything else.  It was our fantasy, our escape from the terror of the present and our unspoken hope for survival.  It was our disappointment and anger when some one didn't make it.  It proved that life wasn't fair or even precious - it could be wasted so easily.  

>6. Did you suffer from PTSD? If so what was that like for you?

Yes but my wife and I had no clue what it was for nearly thirty years.  Irrational anger would flash unexpectedly, depression and survivors guilt haunted my life, I isolated myself from anyone who didn't understand what Vietnam was really like and I stayed away from other vets avoiding the fear that memories would overwhelm me.  Vietnam had a tramedous impact on me.  It was totally different from the values I'd grown up with, yet to survive I changed.  I shut down my feeliings because they were a distraction when I walked point and had to become totally aware of my immediate surrounding.  Their was no time to grieve, the war didn't stop and we couldn't either.  

>7.Did you do any creative activities to deal with your PTSD and your memories of the war?

I tried to bury all memories from Vietnam after I came home.  I had changed but couldn't admit it.  My family, my fiancee and I wanted things to return to how they were before I left for Vietnam.  Vietnam was a national embarrassement and no one wanted to know what we went through.  We learned to suffer together, sacrifice for one another and support each other the best we could.  None of those hard lessons were desirable or necessary in achieving the "American Dream."  Back home it was evey man for himself.

I isolated myself from "normal" society.  Vietnam nad no positive value at home, so it was easy to think that a big part of me was worthless also.  

>8. How did those creative activities help you?

I wasn't very creative, infact I was pretty self destructive and negative.  Nothing was wasted though, all the wrong I saw in Vietnam and at home drove me to finally recognise all that is right and good.

>9. Having read Slaughterhouse-Five and/or The Things They Carried, do you feel that either of these books depict the war as you saw it? If so then how?

I was a pointman for nearly ten months.  I was terrified the whole time.  I didn't see that in "The Things They Carried" he was a little to far back in the column to feel much of that fear.  I think he became a little arrogant and comfortable in his position as RTO.


>10. Having read Slaughterhouse-Five and/or The Things They Carried, do you feel that the way the authors blend fact with fiction accurately depicts how you deal with the memories of war?

Each saw the same fire fights from different angels.  I was very vulnerable and shouldn't have made it home looking at the odds.  The chances of becoming a casualty for point men in our company were one out of every six missions.  I saw at least five other point men killed or wounded and sent home.  50% of our company was medivaced after one ambush I walked into, I was the only survivor of my squad on two occations.  The war was like hell on earth for me.


>11. Do you think that it is true that in order to survive the trauma, vivid memories, and PTSD  the war can cause one must make it seem as if fighting in Vietnam was unreal, as is depicted in Slaughterhouse-Five and The Things They Carried?

In my mind, it would be disrespectful to those who didn't make it home to pretend their deaths were somehow unreal or irrelevent.


>12. If you could go back and do it again, would you re-enlist? Why or why not?

You can't go back and change what has happened or not particitate in the life you've lived.  That implies dissatisfaction with what has made you who you are.  If life were easy, we wouldn't learn anything worthwhile.  I have a perspective of life that most others can not understand, but I see life on this earth and the God who created it in a bigger picture than I ever could have without going through Vietnam.  God supernaturally protected me, not because I deserved it more than others, it simply pleased Him for things to turn out that way.  I hope it dosen't take the trauma it took in my life for you to find your relationship with God.


>I would like to thank you for taking the time to answer this!!! It is much appreciated and will not go to waste. I would also like to personally say a very sincere Thank You for the service you have done. I know it takes alot of courage to sacrifice what you have sacrificed and do what you have done when you did not have to. I find that bravery to be very admirable. So Thank You.
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